taniaangel.

I always try my best not to burden anyone. I always cut off something that comforts me so that other people have less problem. But I still have to get consequences of them because I am part of them. And finally, after years always trying not to ever ask "Why did You do this to me?" to God, this time, I did it. I still remembered, last few days, I just wanted to take my own belonging that has now become other's belonging without my knowing, and I am being mad at by that person, although that person has 2sets of it and 1set is already enough for that person, I got mad, and I spoke so loud saying that it's mine. Hah. Then, this other person, let's called A, came out and get angry to me saying, "Is that all you can do getting mad just like that? I am so done with all of the problems we have and you added more problems". This A's angry style is very stressful, you can imagine someone being angry so loud and complaining so loud. Geez, so stressful that I i

I really want to die. Why does suicide is a sin? It shouldn't be a sin. Suicide should be beautiful for every hopeless people.

Right now, I have some spare time to do something but I can't do anything at all. Not because I am limited in some things. But because, I have too much to do. I decided to get out from my parents' clothes retail business on February but yesterday I was asked to keep helping the business as I still have nothing to do to earn money. I am stuck all this time and I can't keep continuing this thing. I freaking want to start from zero with no one intrudes my life. But at the same time, it's hard for me to say no when I was asked to help. Right now, I have a lot of things to do but I don't know which one should I start first. Because everything is needed to be done soon. I have too much task to do. And in the end, I got panicked and I am angry of myself. I think of rejecting what my parents asked me to do. I should not stay longer there because I need to do so, if not, I won't be greater than I am today. I should live my life, not others life. It's not that I don&#

My body temperature is so high, and my skin is hot. My head sometimes get something like passing through and it hurts. And yes, I am stress. I am at my lowest point now. Thinking everything won't do any good. I am feeling so down right now. And again, this thought came up. If I could decide, I wanna end up my life now. E N D

I have always been confusing about deciding every choices in front of me. I am full of knowing the risks and advantages of every decisions. This time, I have to decide between some choices again. It's truly hard for me. But this time, I will just try to listen to what my heart tells me. It will be hard, but well, rather than not making any clear decision, eh? I know things will be better when I have decided what to do, but I hope nothing too bad will happen. I somehow need Kay to help me out about this. E N D

Dear Kay, I am glad to ever met and talked to you. I learnt quite much of you although we have just talked a little bit and just about ordinary things. Day goes on and on. I am waiting for our next meeting. There should be a lot of things we could share about. E N D

Finally , I am able to order online taxi after the big rain has stopped. Sitting on the White Avanza car, listening to old song, with the windows open, and luckily the air is quite windy. I enjoy what I am right now, but at the same time, I am in a full of cautions too because the car should be in closed-window and the air conditioner should be switch on. Medan, the city where I was born at, and also the city that I will love. Located on North Sumatra Province, Indonesia. Today is the first time where I spit out my love to my birthplace. It was even hard for me to leave this city when I should be thinking of where I should continue my studies after I graduate from school. I know, I look like I don't want to be out of my comfort zone, I somehow later realized about that too. But besides that reason, I have another reason too and since it will out of the topic, I won't write it here. This is the city that you will acknowledge a lot of delicious food here. Medan is all about food