taniaangel.

Time keeps going on, then feeling grows up or down, and our next action is decided from our own (hopefully) wise thought.  When I truly realized that I can't and I should't have everything for myself, I realized that I should make the best possible decision ever for my own condition. No decision will be perfect, but there will be decision that suits the most for me.  It all started from doing things at my best.  Then I will get varies of feedback; But the feedback that touched my heart, surely is special.  Nobody would be unhappy and not wanting more when something very good touches our heart.  But something happy does not always stay in a longer time,  sometimes the happiness might just stay for some years.  Here comes the taking-decision-role should take a part.  Whether do we decide to go for more, or decide to just let it stay as a feeling that comes in our life and just be casual (not doing more).  Making a decision mostly gives me hard ...

My last blog was 7th Feb 2021 and today is 6th Feb 2025. Wow, never thought that exactly 4 years later after my last blog, I write on this blog again.  This is my oldest platform that I use in my early internet play and still, until now.  Of course, I am so embarrassed of my first blog and the next blogs.  I also think of editing or removing those writings. But this is life, our life will get more advance as we get older. Up until now, I am still in the same decision; to not delete my post just because I am embarrassed. I want people to accept who they are by not deleting my old posts. I want people to know that it is even better if we could just keep our old posts so that other people will also treasure their younger-self doings.  I want people to know that it is very okay if other people see our failures. I want people to know that failures aren't something to be ashamed of, but failures are very normal thing and everyone should experience failures.  So that, ...

I always try my best not to burden anyone. I always cut off something that comforts me so that other people have less problem. But I still have to get consequences of them because I am part of them. And finally, after years always trying not to ever ask "Why did You do this to me?" to God, this time, I did it. I still remembered, last few days, I just wanted to take my own belonging that has now become other's belonging without my knowing, and I am being mad at by that person, although that person has 2sets of it and 1set is already enough for that person, I got mad, and I spoke so loud saying that it's mine. Hah. Then, this other person, let's called A, came out and get angry to me saying, "Is that all you can do getting mad just like that? I am so done with all of the problems we have and you added more problems". This A's angry style is very stressful, you can imagine someone being angry so loud and complaining so loud. Geez, so stressful that I i...

I really want to die. Why does suicide is a sin? It shouldn't be a sin. Suicide should be beautiful for every hopeless people.

Right now, I have some spare time to do something but I can't do anything at all. Not because I am limited in some things. But because, I have too much to do. I decided to get out from my parents' clothes retail business on February but yesterday I was asked to keep helping the business as I still have nothing to do to earn money. I am stuck all this time and I can't keep continuing this thing. I freaking want to start from zero with no one intrudes my life. But at the same time, it's hard for me to say no when I was asked to help. Right now, I have a lot of things to do but I don't know which one should I start first. Because everything is needed to be done soon. I have too much task to do. And in the end, I got panicked and I am angry of myself. I think of rejecting what my parents asked me to do. I should not stay longer there because I need to do so, if not, I won't be greater than I am today. I should live my life, not others life. It's not that I don...

My body temperature is so high, and my skin is hot. My head sometimes get something like passing through and it hurts. And yes, I am stress. I am at my lowest point now. Thinking everything won't do any good. I am feeling so down right now. And again, this thought came up. If I could decide, I wanna end up my life now. E N D

I have always been confusing about deciding every choices in front of me. I am full of knowing the risks and advantages of every decisions. This time, I have to decide between some choices again. It's truly hard for me. But this time, I will just try to listen to what my heart tells me. It will be hard, but well, rather than not making any clear decision, eh? I know things will be better when I have decided what to do, but I hope nothing too bad will happen. I somehow need Kay to help me out about this. E N D