taniaangel.

Dear Kay, I am glad to ever met and talked to you. I learnt quite much of you although we have just talked a little bit and just about ordinary things. Day goes on and on. I am waiting for our next meeting. There should be a lot of things we could share about. E N D

Finally , I am able to order online taxi after the big rain has stopped. Sitting on the White Avanza car, listening to old song, with the windows open, and luckily the air is quite windy. I enjoy what I am right now, but at the same time, I am in a full of cautions too because the car should be in closed-window and the air conditioner should be switch on. Medan, the city where I was born at, and also the city that I will love. Located on North Sumatra Province, Indonesia. Today is the first time where I spit out my love to my birthplace. It was even hard for me to leave this city when I should be thinking of where I should continue my studies after I graduate from school. I know, I look like I don't want to be out of my comfort zone, I somehow later realized about that too. But besides that reason, I have another reason too and since it will out of the topic, I won't write it here. This is the city that you will acknowledge a lot of delicious food here. Medan is all about food...

This is what I am feeling these days: Are you the one or not? With this addition: Hahaha, I know I won't make it. I am fatty ass ugly and I even couldn't have diet because food is the only thing for me to get my minds off. E N D

I have been holding myself into something whether it is really from my deepest heart or not. This thing goes up and down. Sometimes I am excited about it and sometimes I am so glad that, at that time, I am not thinking about it at all. I prefer not to get into this thing, and that is the reason of my gladness. I also have been holding myself not to post about this feeling on my blog, but now, I think I couldn't hold it but to spit it here. I prayed to God to ask for a way out, but well, I am not good, because I rarely pray to God, I still haven't found any clue about this. It's not something that I want, it's just something that keep passing my mind and that keep making me curious. So funny to know that I am excited about this but honestly, I myself have never wanted to be excited though. It's very blended. All I need is a way out, an answer. And I wish I shouldn't wait too long for this thing stays in my life.

Everybody will always be full of wondering thoughts when they realize having a special feeling for a person. And all worries are out into the thoughts. Wondering is it right to have a special feeling for that person? Should I start trying? How should I start it from? "Oh gosh, thinking of that burns me out a lot." What if I am only one-sided? Oh my, it will ashamed me if I am really one-sided. What if I am behaving wrong just from my first start? That sure would create a bad impression don't you think? All over the thoughts, you will prefer to just stay in the silence and not starting anything. Hoping that this thing will fade away soon. But by that, things have never been better, and of course have never been worse too. The feeling stays. What a rollercoaster thoughts. You know you should try. But the pride you have closes your way to start trying. *Sigh* Things become complicated when thinking about the pride and the ashamed feeling. You end up being more-fire-up b...

What do you think of "3 Years" title that I made for this post? Is it good? Or is it bad? Well, there are always good and bad things, never one of them. But I am going to write more about the regrets that I have for 3 years this time. I just couldn't believe what I have become today. I am right now a person who is afraid to start anything, who can't believe in myself anymore, and moreover, all of the great things I have ever done before couldn't let me stay great and even better today. I used to be brave to do everything. I used to keep doing everything, not even care of how the results will be. I am quite fearless. I feel like I could do anything. But those things are buried down now. After deciding to get out from the college, I am nothing better. I feel like I am too late for everything already. Nothing better happened after 3 years getting out from the college. I know I am not in the place for blaming other people that made me this useless. I should be blam...

Purpose of life, something that I still don't have until today. Even if I do, I can't reach it. This is what you got when you are almost balance at almost everything. Because you have no specific things ypu really like to be achieved. And I am one of them. I am always this kind of so-so person. I may have many abilities, but actually, I never really get to mastered them deeply. I am good for almost everything, but I could never have been able to mastered them all. I have people around me, but they are still not strong enough to be the reason I want to live and to let them be my purpose of life. If you say that I am cruel and having no heart at all, well it's okay, I won't be mad. Everyone has been telling me, have your purpose of life. But I don't know how to be one. If I have this kind of friend, I would of course be confuse, and telling them that it's impossible to have no purpose of life. People who knows me will know how am I. They know that in my product...