I have been holding myself into something whether it is really from my deepest heart or not. This thing goes up and down. Sometimes I am excited about it and sometimes I am so glad that, at that time, I am not thinking about it at all. I prefer not to get into this thing, and that is the reason of my gladness. I also have been holding myself not to post about this feeling on my blog, but now, I think I couldn't hold it but to spit it here. I prayed to God to ask for a way out, but well, I am not good, because I rarely pray to God, I still haven't found any clue about this. It's not something that I want, it's just something that keep passing my mind and that keep making me curious. So funny to know that I am excited about this but honestly, I myself have never wanted to be excited though. It's very blended. All I need is a way out, an answer. And I wish I shouldn't wait too long for this thing stays in my life.