What's wrong with me?

It has been more than a year not writing any post and here i finally decide to write since i am so full of emotions right now and i need things to be lay on and i choose writing on my blog.

I am hurt.
I felt so much pain in my heart.
Too much that i couldn't hold it anymore that i came to cry in my bedroom.

These days i have been feeling so empty.
Empty because i have less people to share to nowadays.
Since my 20th birthday i decided not to look for anyone anymore since i have been giving too much care for people.
And here's what i got.
A heart that is full of my thoughts.
A heart that i even don't know who shall i tell to.
And every time i tried to share it to my close persons, i couldn't really tell a lot.
Since i don't want myself to blame the related person too much.

I tried to hold all of my thoughts about blaming the people that made my heart fall into sadness.
But there are some times,
when things come one by one in my mind,
I couldn't hold it anymore and cry.
When i cry,
i even don't know why am i crying.
But one thing for sure.
I cry because i am hurt.
And i know this painful cry somehow means that i blame the people that made me sad.
So then, i cry because i couldn't hold any longer to keep the thoughts of not blaming them.

Dear God,
please,
i beg You.
Stay with me more and more.
Let me get less sadness when i am in this kind of condition.
Let me stay stronger and not to blame anyone.
Please do hold me every time i cry.
Please do remind me that i have You when i cry.
Thank You, Lord.

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