I always try my best not to burden anyone.
I always cut off something that comforts me so that other people have less problem.
But I still have to get consequences of them because I am part of them.
And finally, after years always trying not to ever ask "Why did You do this to me?" to God, this time, I did it.
I still remembered, last few days, I just wanted to take my own belonging that has now become other's belonging without my knowing,
and I am being mad at by that person, although that person has 2sets of it and 1set is already enough for that person,
I got mad, and I spoke so loud saying that it's mine.
Hah.
Then, this other person, let's called A, came out and get angry to me saying, "Is that all you can do getting mad just like that? I am so done with all of the problems we have and you added more problems". This A's angry style is very stressful, you can imagine someone being angry so loud and complaining so loud.
Geez, so stressful that I immediately opened Google and searched website for suicide.
But what I found are only sites of counseling for people who wanted to have suicide.
And nothing really helps.
Only sleep could help the problem away.
So, I just slept.
And my next day getting another angry that said, "Why are you staying in your room all the time? Just what the hell are you doing?"
Oh crazy hell. This is what I hate.
I really wish to die.
No, I need to die.
If things got worse again, I think, I may not even think about sin anymore.
I may think that hell is better than earth.
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